my paper heart..

better homes and... OMG!

Picked up the 2010 Better Homes and Gardens "Holidays Crafts" issue today. ♥ ♥ ♥  I totally see some stuff I'm going to have to try out! Sooo cute!!

Haven't felt the best today.. I have a pounding headache that feels like my head could possibly explode at any moment.. ugh! I have take everything I can think of and it will not go away. :(

Mom goes back to work tomorrow.. its actually almost depressing, knowing I'll be here alone (besides Alaynea) after having her here for three days. I hate this! I want to go back to work! Sept. 15th, PLEASE hurry.. and if that doc doesn't give me a release to go back to work, I am not responsible for what happens next. :\  But anywho.. *cough*.. I plan to try using the sewing machine again tomorrow, I have a few ideas brewing. I just want to practice more, so I can get good enough to actually make things that I can keep or give for gifts. It'd be awesome to be able to make some things for Christmas presents.

We took back alot of the stuff that we had bought for the wedding, today. Can we say.. relief? I am doing everything I can not to hate him. I was thinking about it lastnight, while laying in my bed playing sudoku (yes, im a dork.. im addicted!!), the things that he said, that he cheated on me, with HER of all friggin people! I swear, he's disgusting. And I had sex with him AFTER her.. omg.. I just want to compulsively wash. Its.. disgusting... nasty.. ew.. *gag*! Nevermind, I do HATE him.. he's dead to me, and I really need to stop wasting thoughts on his @ss..  :3 Uuuggh. Anyway.. over $100 of the stuff was returned, and I plan to finish the rest of it on Friday. $700 worth of decorations, craft supplies, cake toppers, plates, silverware... its rediculous. I'm so glad I didn't make that life altering mistake. God steps in when he has to.

Well.. I should get some sleep. Hopefully I wake up MINUS this headache in the morning. If not, I'll just put my head through one the outer walls of this crappy apartment, and call it a day.. goodnight.

sew superrr..!

So, mom showed me how to use her sewing machine today. ;)   Totally something I plan to continue using. I found an idea online, to take a tshirt, remove the sleeves, and the fabric around the collar, sew the bottom of the shirt together, and some fancy work around the previous neck hole and sleeves, and it becomes a cute little purse. It sounds funny, but it really worked out cute. ♥   I used an old t-shirt of Alaynea's that I had put into the yardsale box, and made the purse for her. I'll try to post photos of it, soon. You can tell it was my first ever project, but hey -- she loves it, and atleast it actually HOLDS things inside the bag.

I'd love to try it again, with one of my t-shirts, for a purse for myself. I want to wait until I get a little better, though, so I don't completely ruin it and waste a shirt. :\

Mom is off for three days, and today we spent the time cleaning out closets, bedrooms, and etc. Whoo! I went through my box of old letters from penpals (and some from him, which I threw away..) I have letters dating all the way back to early 2007, whenever I was pregnant with Alaynea. ♥  It was so cool going back over those times, its almost like reading old journals and diaries. I save every letter that ever comes through my mailbox. I found letters from old penpals that I haven't heard from in over a year. Somehow we just lost touch. I sat down and wrote to a few of them, and hopefully I'll hear back. Penpalling may seem dorky to some people, but I love it. Connecting with someone else who lives nowhere near you, and yet you have so much in common.. I dunno.. its special to me, and I still have penpals that I started writing back in 2007, and I get letters from them on a regular basis. They never fail me, they have awesome advice, and really care about me and my wellbeing. There are no people around here like that. And maybe its just the mystery of never actually seeing that person face to face (other than photos).. I'm not sure.

Today was peaceful. No drama.. and thats awesome!

look who the cat drug in..

Well, I haven't been much of a blogger in awhile. Now that VOX shut down, I have a chance for a fresh start. :)   Theres been alot of changes in life since the last few posts I made to VOX.

Bobby --

I dont talk to him anymore. He did finally start paying childsupport, but that only lasted for about a month or so. The last two payments have either been very low payments, or none at all. Well, whatever. Child support enforcement can handle him, cause I want nothing else to do with it.

Leo --

Have you ever made a huge mistake, that later you looked back on and said to yourself "why didn't you listen to your heart, your friends, your MOM?" .. yeah, this is one of those situations. I dont even want to go into details, but I just want all contact STOPPED, I want PEACE and quiet.

Alaynea --

That squirt is 3 years old now! Shes a motor mouth with two gas tanks, incase the first one runs out. She's very smart, and witty. ♥  She's pretty tall, for her age. She can't wear anything 3T, its all 4T and some 5T! She loves to color, draw, and sing. And cartoons.. omg, the cartoons. I get so tired of watching (or hearing) them. I contemplate putting a TV in the bedroom so she can watch them there, but then she'd NEVER peel away from it. Atleast now, I can put a stop to it whenever its needed. She's awesome, though. I love her to pieces.

Well, I've got to go and help mom with the dinner. I do plan to post again later tonight. ♥

believe me when I say, "I am so ashamed"..

Wow. Its been over a year since I've posted on VOX. Wow.

Well, I actually have my own internet hooked up now, so its easier for me to get online, no more borrowing someone elses computer. So I'm back! ;)

Alaynea will be 2 years old in just a few months! I cant believe how time has flown by! She talks alot, and repeats everything she hears. Shes getting really good at using her spoon and fork, and hopefully soon we'll start on potty training. I bought her panties and everything else to start the process, but she just wasnt quite ready, so I'm giving it a little while longer.

Bobby (Alaynea's father) and I talk about once a week, sometimes more. He is supposed to see her once a week now, but lately we've both been so busy we havent made it. Still no child support. No comment. :\

I have a boyfriend, his name is LEO. Great guy, with his own little son. So, we can relate alot on what its like having kids, and we know that we cant go out and party all the time, which is actually a problem whenever I meet guys now. They think I should still be able to run around and do whatever I want to until whatever hour.. and I cant. Altleast not me. Im a mom, and thats the most important thing, not a date with a guy. Anyway, he and I have our ups and downs, but we somehow manage to work through them every time. I love him. We've been together since October '08.

Hmm.. what else? You'll let me know.

It's been awhile.. {again}

K.. so Im slacking. Not just in Vox, but in all aspects of an online life. :\  

I'm full time at the preschool now, and when I'm not working, Alaynea keeps me pretty busy and occupied. Shes about 6.5 months old now and when she finally figures out how to crawl or walk.. I'll never be able to keep up with her! She's been sick again for the last two weeks, my poor lil' girl. :(   Now I'm sick too.. which isn't helping me any with getting things done.

I'm really not too interested in being online anymore, partly because I'm sharing this computer with far too many people. When I get the free time, I dont like sitting in front of the computer for too long. Im really into penpalling and scrapbooking. <3

 

I have alot of new pictures I need to upload, but right now I need to go..

Play. Laugh. Grow.

Nothing new and eventful today..

Alaynea was up at 8:30 to eat, I didnt ever go back to sleep, it wouldve been pointless. I went to McDonalds and got my mom a coffee, since she was out. :)   

Later on we went to walmart to do some grocery shopping. We got Alaynea more baby food. Did I mention yesterday that she ate her first jar of bananas? I bought one of those feeder bottles, and gave it to her, she loved them! We tried sweet potatoes tonight, but she wasnt liking those very much. I think she'll probably just want to stick with fruits for right now. She did really good though, no problems pooping, no belly aches or anything. I'm only going to feed her food once a day for right now, just to make sure her tummy can handle it.

I went to work - fun fun. Its really not that bad the last couple of weeks. I've really been enjoying going to work everyday. Now if I could just get them to pay me more. :\    Everyone is ragging me about my having a crush on the coach. >.<   I just dont have the nerve to go over and make conversation, so they all pressure me about it. I'm hoping to get some more info on him soon, and maybe I could figure out some way to make a convo happen.

After work I took another car load of stuff over to my dad's house. I'm excited about moving, I'm finally able to set up all of Alaynea's cute bed stuff. All of her carebears stuff is out and being put to use. I'll take pictures of the finished product this weekend. :)   I still have alot to move over the next few days.

 

Finally it let me upload. ;)

QotD: U.S. Presidential Debates

What issues do you look forward to hearing about in the upcoming U.S. Presidential debates?

I cant say that I look forward to ANY of it. The stupid commercials, the rediculous promises and obvious lies. And THEN.. I'll have to listen to everyone complain about how the person they voted for DIDN'T win, and etc etc. Cant we just skip over all of this? Can I hibernate through it all??

Look who's alive!

I've got to stop going MIA on my VOX. :\     There's been so much going on lately.. I havent really even been getting online like I used to.

I'll be moving in with my dad, Abby, and her two sons over the course of this week. Hopefully we're fully moved in by this weekend. My mom's lease is up in Oct, and she really wants to get a different place. She cant really afford to get a two bedroom, and I cant help her out with any bills, so I think it would help her some if we moved out, plus at my dads we'll get our own room (to share).

I'm trying to get a second job, hopefully something working from like 6:30ish until 1 or 2am. Then I can spend the whole morning with Alaynea, go to work at the pre-k from 2:30 to 6 and start all over again. Right now, she's able to go to work with me at the pre-k and Abby works there too, so she can take her home from there. Then, when I get off from the second job (probably at a fast food joint, closing) I can go straight home and she'll already be in bed. :)   Its going to be really hard, and I'll miss her so much, but theres no way I'll ever be able to get out on my own if I dont do something.

I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do as far as child support. I know to many people it would be an easy choice - take him for all he's worth (which isn't much..)! But, as it is right now, he has no rights whatsoever unless he takes me to court (which is doubtedly to EVER happen..) and by getting child support, he'll be given those rights, and he'll only use that to hurt me. So, I'm putting alot of thought into it before I just go signing on any 'ole dotted line.

Alaynea's results were all good from her heart ultrasound the other day. One of her valves is a little thicker than normal, and that is the murmer they hear, but it isnt so thick that its preventing blood flow, so there's nothing to worry about. She DOES have a hole between the two chambers of her heart, but it is normal, and should close within the next three years; nothing to worry about. I have to take her back in three months and the doc wants to keep an eye on her as she grows, just to make sure the valve doesnt start causing problems as she gets bigger. She weighed in at 13 pnds 9oz!

I have new pictures, but its being stupid and wont let me upload them. :\

Everyone at the preschool is trying to help me get to know the gym coach. He is sooo cute, goes to church and everything, and probably doesn't even know I exist. >.<   I think he's the ONLY one there who doesn't know that I like him... hopefully, I dont get completely embarrassed in the process of all of this. If it's supposed to happen, it will happen.

Well.. goodnight to everyone, I hope life is treating you all well.

VENTilation.

Well, I dont really have some brilliant excuse as to why I haven't been updating like I used to.. except, I have a baby, a job, and I'm babysitting in the mornings for some extra money. Bobby doesnt help me AT ALL, so.. I have to stay busy earning ANYTHING to keep this boat floating. Though I've paddled so hard lately we're going to drown here in a few days. I'm screwed.

I owe more than I can make, especially when I'm being screwed on my job. $300 for my car payment due on the 22nd. $106 for my car insurance, due on the 20th. And, Nextel expects me to believe that I went $25 over my minutes, and now my cell phone bill is $105!

$511 that I owe out now.. and Im LUCKY to make $400 in a month! I'm SCREWED.

Not to mention that Alaynea has a cold or something, and Im shelling out money for medicine for that. Gas is up to $2.76 a gallon.. and that breaks my heart and whats left of my wallet. I'm so stressed and overwhelmed. Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and quit.

Im hopefully going to go and apply for some jobs tomorrow.. anything, even McDonalds will make me more money than the preschool is giving me. It sucks, because the more hours I get, the harder it is to find someone who is able to watch her. Its a catch 27.

---

I have more I want to say.. but I'm so sleepy, I'm going to go hop in the bed so I have a chance in hell at finding a new place of employment in the morning. Wish me luck.

Maybe next time; single and looking, Alaynea is growing, and my new CRUSH(s). Yes, its plural!

Wow.. its been awhile.

I cant believe it been almost a month since I last wrote. :\   Oops. Alot has happened.

Alaynea had her heart appointment, and she has another this tuesday (september 11th) for an ultrasound. There's a possibility she has a hole between the two chambers of her heart. Pray for us and those results.. I'm totally stressed out about this, but keeping my cool somehow.

I cant believe she will be two months on the 9th! It doesn't seem like that long ago in some ways, and in others.. it seems like its been years already. lol. Time is flying by and my little girl is getting so big! :(

 

Bobby hasn't been helping out at all. I've finally decided to go for child support. We had it out because he says he cant give me money but he'll buy the items I need because the "money doesn't always go where its intended". I've never spent money he gave me on something it wasnt meant for, so I dont know what he's talking about. Whenever I told him that he was lucky I dont take him to court for childsupport, he made the comment "how do plan on doing that, I never signed the birth certificate". Bad Choice! Now I'm going to get childsupport, one way or the other.. because now I see why he never brought the birth certificate up again. He's been telling me for a week that he would get some diapers. Everyday theres a new excuse as to why he hasnt got them yet and he'll have them "tomorrow". Whatever. I'll figure out another way to get diapers, I cant make my daughter stop pooping until your ready to BE A MAN and go get some!!

K, I have plenty more to write.. but I need some sleep. Hopefully tomorrow I'll remember to write more. Leave comments to remind me. ;)